Friday, January 15, 2010

Aussie Humour

I was walking (yes, walking) to the auto parts store which is located just past cholesterol corner (where McDonalds, KFC, another chicken place, and other fast food franchises exist) to buy a fuel filter hoping that would help make my car actually start. I've been taking the Free Bus since Tuesday because it just wouldn't start.

On my way I passed The Cabbage Patch Pub. I heard "Chuck! Hey Chuck!" One of the usuals at the Charles, Aussie Bob, can remember calling me Chuck (Berry) better than Craig and besides, no one uses their real name at the Pub, just a nickname. I think this may have something to do with their history and its leftover from the convict side of the original population (ok, that's my bad joke).

It's 10AM and it's Steve Niko yelling at me to come in and have a coldie. If you think a 10AM beer sounds bad, it's not nearly as bad at the usual Sunday morning lawn bowling get together where you bring $2 towards a case of beer....AT 8AM! Talk about a rough start of the day. Anyway, I politely declined telling him about my plight with my car. My car is a neighbourhood joke as starting isn't one of it's strong points. So I left to buy the filter and returned to have a polite coldie with him and his mates at the "Patch."

Naturally Steve had to tell them about my car and that everytime I've offered him a ride home from the Charles, he'd climb in and wait and wait for it to start. I did figure out that if I waited a certain amount of time, it would fire up. I calculated the time in equivalent to drinking a pint of beer. Steve's mates were impressed! I did volunteer that once the car had died in the driveway of the Charles but had enough momentum to make it to a parking space. "Oooooh!" They said, "That's a marvelous car! It's well trained! I KNOWS you, Mate!" Maybe I can sell it to one of these guys and make a profit.

Now to the Aussie Humour portion of the entry. One of the mates at the Patch was talking about Texas Ted who's been around the area for a while and a few of these guys know him. Texas Ted is a very big, very likable and very funny guy I was told. Did I mention he was BIG?! They were talking about how huge his hands were and that when they'd shake hands, theirs would disappear in his huge mitt.

Being from Texas, Ted wanted to compare how a famous Aussie Barbie compared to a real Texas BBQ. He certainly was invited to one and the story teller had asked Ted how he liked it. Ted said, "Them t-Bones are mighty tasty, pretty damned small, but very good!" nodding with a mouthful of the mini T-Bone. He was told that wasn't a T-Bone he was eating but a lamb chop. Ted was in a state of shock! He said, "You mean I've traveled all this way for an Aussie BBQ and you're serving up prairie rat?"

The whole pub about fell over hearing that one. No one had ever heard the national meat being referred to as prairie rat before.

If this wasn't funny, try drinking a couple of coldies and read again.

3 comments:

frigginloon said...

Hi Craig, just doing a drive-by and having a little shit in your nest. Good to see you are soaking yourself in the Aussie culture. I hope we don't corrupt you too much....I don't really mean that....corrupt all you like. Next time I crank up the BBQ it's prairie rat for me!

Crikey Craig said...

Thank you for your comment. I'm truly honoured you stopped by as in my limited experience, your blog really is the best! Something to aspire to.

frigginloon said...

Blahahaha Crikey Craig, I must say I enjoyed reading your adventures down under. You have found yourself a nice little hovel...whoops...I mean neighborhood to soak in.